striving to be my most authentic self: what that means to me

by Daehyun Kim

In my personal and spiritual growth, I've come to a point where I am shedding constructed pieces of myself, mainly pieces that have come to fruition through conditioning in my life. Becoming a spiritually inclined person has a been a wild ride; I've been one for the past three years since my 'awakening.' I reached a breaking point and once I hit it, I changed completely.

2012-2013 was a huge catalyst in the discovery of myself, which lead to a deeper exploration of my Self. By Self, I mean who I am at the very core of my being, my soul/spirit/ or authentic Self, not my ego constructed self. But I didn't really understand what it meant to be my authentic Self, until a couple of weeks ago (end of September/beginning of October). It was like something clicked, I just understood things I didn't understand before, but I didn't perceive this information from a "logical" or "rational" position, but an intuitive center known as 'inner knowing.' I began to understand that our ego isn't something to demonize or try to eliminate. I began to love my ego and learned that I needed to balance my ego with my Higher Self to be the most authentic self, which is kind of also your Higher Self (hard to explain in words w/o confusing people w/ concepts they'd find unfamiliar at the moment).

When I came to this realization, I could think of nothing better than wanting to be my most authentic Self. To do this this means following your heart and doing what feels right at the moment. This has lead to me being aware of myself in ways I haven't been before. I don't perceive my emotions as a hinderance, but rather use them to explore further why I feel the way I do, what possibly lead to those feelings to determine whether or not I want to make a decision or if there is something in me that I need to let go (people, habits, behaviors, ideas, concepts etc.).

If it feels right in the moment then I do it, but it can get confusing because you have to sort out desire from something intuitively feeling "right," which I just came to realize as I wrote this down, that I have been indulging in desires as of late instead of following my intuition. However, that's okay because I'm learning and discovering new things everyday and come to similar realizations daily. As I become my most authentic Self, I've learnt it's best to be forgiving, compassionate, understanding and trusting towards myself, even in moments where I feel like I did something "wrong" when in actuality I'm just growing and learning moment by moment. As I strive to be my most authentic Self everyday, I become more comfortable with myself daily and know I am coming into being my authentic Self.