My Mind Unveiled: WANT: Friends

Notions of friendship, loneliness and the pursuit of companionship

I get lonely sometimes, and not because I'm alone a lot of the time, but because there's one area of my life that feels more empty than others. I am currently unemployed, I'm not in a relationship and I don't know what my purpose in life is, but I'm okay with all of that. However, I can't help but feel all of those things would be a lot more bearable if I had friends in my life or friends that at least felt like friends, if you know what I mean. When I think of my friends, two people come to mind and that's great; however, I sometimes question the sincerity of it. We talk every couple of months, but on the chance we do meet up it's like we've been conversing nonstop, which is great right?

A lot of friendships have a common denominator, something that is there to hold it together. It can be high school/college, interests, a mutual friend, job etc. If that common denominator is no longer there, how much can a relationship last? Is is dependent upon it? I guess you find that out once the common denominator is gone. I've found that once that common denominator was gone in past friendships the relationship becomes lees than what it was, until it appears there was never anything there to begin with besides the memories I guess. Everyone knows people grow apart, life happens right? You can't really begrudge someone if they are going in a different direction than you are, who are you to want to cling onto them right?

I've found that the loneliest time in my life has been college. The years in which everyone makes it seem like you find you the people you've been wanting to be around in high school. I did make friends in college, especially after transferring, but I couldn't shake the idea that once it was over all the friends I made would gradually fade into the cubby space in my memories titled "college," joining the all-nighters, dance parties, finals and rides home for breaks. Even with all the people I graduated with, I couldn't help but feel I was the only one wondering about the friends I made or didn't make and what kind of social life I'd have or have one at all after graduating.

I can say right now, I'm lonely. I do crave companionship, I'm not around anyone my age, I get bored and wish I had someone I felt close enough to talk to without feeling awkward or having to write an essay over text. However, I've gradually come to the realization that the people that were a part of my life weren't meant to be there for long and if we're supposed to cross paths again it'll happen. I've realized that in my want and pursuit for companionship, that what will happen will happen and I'll meet who I'm meant to meet when I meet them. I may be lonely right now, but it's not something that will be constant, besides I'm comfortable enough with myself right now to be my own best friend when I need one.