It's okay to be alone

Le Passage by Kay Sage

If there is one thing I've had to come terms with during the first 23 years of this life, is that it's okay to be alone. I mean this in all manners of the word, not just alone in the physical sense, but also at an interpersonal and social level. For as long as I can remember, I've had trouble making and maintaining friendships, which, through personal reflection, is something that started when I was in kindergarten. I've often thought about why it's so hard for me to make friends and when they're made, why are they hard to keep? I've determined that there is nothing wrong with me; it's just that things happen, people head in different directions, you realize you weren't as close as you thought you were and maybe the foundation of the relationship just wasn't strong enough to make it a lasting one.

My reflection of the state of my interpersonal relationships has helped me come to terms with the fact that it's okay to be alone. However, as an introvert this is nothing new to me, but that doesn't mean feelings of loneliness don't arise within me from time to time. They usually come about through comparisons to others, mainly on social media like Tumblr, Facebook, Instagram, and especially vlogs on YouTube. Facing these feelings is making me recognize behaviors and thoughts that need to be addressed to further personal growth and challenge notions I thought to be true when it comes to being and interacting with the world and other people.

It's hard to coast through life preoccupied with expectations society presses upon you when it comes to how your life "should" look, at all stages of it. We're often predisposed to think, through conditioning, media and others telling us, that the fabric of our lives must match a pattern deemed "acceptable" and "normal." This can create feelings of inadequacy, insecurity, anxiety and even fear if your threads don't match up to that fabric's image, which is really an illusion. Life is too malleable, can be unpredictable and too varied to strive to live a certain lifestyle because someone told you too, but it's fine if it's something you truly desire. Now add relationships to the equation and it's just another unpredictable variable. Relationships are not like going to your favorite clothing store, sifting through the items and being like, "I like you, you 're just what I was looking for". However, I won't say that it can't happen like that because it can and does; and when you find that person that clicks with you it's great.

I wonder, though, for people like me, when it's been difficult to find those people what can be done to deal with the feelings that arise in the mean time. It can be downright lonely. Yes, even introverts get lonely. For me, I've had to accept the current state of my social life and be patient, but also, reacquaint myself with the company of myself. That means doing things people don't typically do alone like going to the movies, day trips to museums, parks, places to eat etc. Trust me, it can be a lot of fun. When you get ignore the illusory stigma of doing things alone in public settings, you realize that 1. it's fun, 2. there's someone doing the same thing as you and 3. no one is paying attention to you anyways, but if someone is so what? I find that as I get comfortable being in the company of my self that it's easier to be myself in the company of others, for the most part. So if you don't have a lot of friends, by your standards, or feeling lonely, have social anxiety, know that it's okay and other people feel the same way, so you're not alone. Try to be comfortable being you in a way that makes you feel....comfortable, whether that's through hobbies, going out and doing things you genuinely enjoy, or engaging in the high that is breaking out of your comfort zone. Being alone doesn't have to be associated with feelings of misery and loneliness, but if those feeling do arise recognize them and come to terms with them because we're emotional beings with a broad emotional spectrum so of course some days we won't feel ecstatic and that's fine. I don't know how to end this post so I'm going to end it here.