New Adulthood and Self-Love

By Wanda Koop

When I finished my career as an undergrad in May, I felt like I was not just graduating from one phase of my life into the next one. I felt like I was graduating as a completely different person, a person I wasn't sure I knew I was or going to be in the months ahead. If there was one thing I did know, it was that my self-confidence was at an all time low. In my last year as a undergrad I made the mistake of doubting and succumbing to fear for the future. I began to feel regret, after not feeling it for a long time. I started to ask myself why I didn't work harder, do more internships, network and make connections with faculty more. Despite all of that, I distracted myself from graduation by making myself as busy as possible. I took on extra commitments, and a second job in my last semester for experience and to try something I was new at to build more confidence in myself. However, that only lasted up to finals week. After that I felt despondent, lost, confused, afraid and angry. For the first time in months I truly experienced negative thoughts and emotions I hadn't experienced in months. I hated feeling that way, I hated myself for how I was feeling and that lated two months.

It took one night for me to clear the cloud of negativity, self-doubt and fear from around. There was a task I wanted to accomplish; however, I didn't get it done that day. Just as I was finished berating myself, I stopped and thought: Wait a second, I may not have gotten done what I wanted to today and that's okay because I understand why I didn't. I understand how the way I've felt today impacted my decisions even if they didn't produce the results I wanted. It took one moment of self-compassion to break the spell, it took one moment of self-love and understanding to completely shift myself back into the frame of mind I used to inhabit all of the time. A space of self-love, acceptance, forgiveness and compassion. I think as a new adult, I know there are a lot of things I'm going to get wrong and not understand. There are going to be situations I'll be unfamiliar with and new people I'll need to interact and I'll probably be afraid, but as long as I support myself in whatever decisions I'll make and be aware of the basis behind them from a loving and understanding place, then I know I'm going to be okay.